Semantics
by Rainsoulx
Summary: What is a werewolf able to do for the mere reason of obtaining a spoon?


**Author's Note:** For Nonna Minerva's birthday; witten for the march ficatlon at R/T Challenge.  
This is a sort of experiment, my first piece in English. I'm Italian and not comfortable at all with this language, so feedback is _really_ appreciated; the use of punctuation marks could sound odd (it does to me), because there are some differences between the languages.  
Many thanks to those who offered to beta-read me (Satine89 and shadows-light91); to Nat Cooper for suggestion about not scaring everyone saying I was so terrible in English – that I _am_, in fact -, and of course to my Betas **Intrepid Cait Llama & pinkhairedauror** for their patience and great job.  
Finally I want to thank **Lady Bracknell** for her help, for letting me play with 'her' Marauding Remus and for writing the lines: _"Do you want to do the kind of things people who fancy each other normally do in bed, or argue semantics?" "Argue semantics."_, that inspired the whole story in a crazy way, impossible to explain.

Semantics

"Do you still need it?"

Tonks was pointing at the spoon that Remus had put on the border of his tea's mug. He was reading his newspaper as he did every morning, silently sipping the hot flavoured drink.  
"Remus, do you need that spoon?" she insisted. "'Cos all the others are mucked-up."

And they were.

Actually, it was Tonks' fault, if we consider that she was supposed to do the dishes several days ago.  
Of course, there were so many things to think about – her mother's increasing paranoia about the wedding, for example, or her tiring incessant nausea – that she hadn't had any free-time to waste on useless tasks – like tiding up the living-room, feeding the fish, or cleaning the kitchen.

She didn't bother because her boyfriend, after staying with her for the night, couldn't protest about crusty counter tops, thin lonely fish, or mounds of underwear on the sofa.

_Especially 'bout the last one,_ she thought with a satisfied smile, since if the majority of that were there it was only _his_ fault.  
The only problem was she forgot that clean spoons are quite useful at breakfast time, even without a guest to care about.

Unfortunately, that morning Remus woke up early and prepared some Earl Grey and a muggle tisane before she could wash up. When Tonks asked him why on earth he thought she'd preferred that disgusting beverage over a good cup of dark coffee, he explained that her sickness was a good reason not to drink something with any amount of caffeine inside.

Now the result was that she needed something to stir her lemon-balm infusion with, and _he_ had the only useful object with which to do it.

"I understand it's quite dangerous to interrupt a reading werewolf," she repeated for the third time, "But I'd really like to know if you still need the spoon, Remus".

Remus finally looked up, studying Tonks' face as he saw it for the first time in his life.  
He paused for a moment, then he slowly spoke.

"Not at the moment, no."  
His hoarse voice sounded cosier than usual in the small kitchen.

"Oh, thank you." Tonks sighed impatiently, and reached the spoon with a fast movement.  
"I want to see if some sugar will make this stuff a little more drinkable…" she said, starting to search for the sugar bowl. "Even if I don't think this is gonna work. Where the hell did I put it? I remember it was some kinda containing place, with some kinda doors to close it…"

"Have you tried on the table, perhaps?"

Tonks recognize a brief Marauding smirk on Remus' lips, and made a wince. "Sure, 't was there… Just wanted to check if you're constantly vigilant - and you are, so congratulations Mr. Lupin."

She neared the table and sat down a chair, grabbed the bowl and almost slipped the spoon on it, when Remus coughed.

"Er… Excuse-me, but…" he started.

"What?" she said, stopping herself.

"I was just wondering…"

"I don't like you when you say 'wondering' with that tone."

"…why did you pick my own personal spoon."

Tonks raised an eyebrow at him, and threw the small brassy object to the ceiling.  
"Is this personal?" she said, grabbing it on the fly.

The man hid an unwilling smile under the newspaper, but she caught it.  
"Because about a minute ago I was using that spoon to stir my tea... I can swear it is personal, yes."

"You allowed me to take it." Tonks protested.  
She had quite the impression that he was orchestrating some prank at her expense, but she couldn't figure out what.

"I'm sorry, I'm pretty certain I did not, Dora."

"And I am totally sure you did, Remus."

He chuckled a bit. "That's interesting."

"A spoon's property is interesting?" She asked, alluding to the newspaper. "Nothing more extraordinary has to have happened into the whole world yesterday. Or you're going nuts, one out of the two."

"To be precise we're not talking about property, as I very well know that everything in this house belongs to you."

"So what are we discussing?" She asked, breathing in the scent of her tisane. "Predominance, command? Male supremacy?"

"Tenancy."

"_Tenancy_?" she murmured. "What the hell should be the difference between that and property, Remus?"

"The same shade that runs between a camel and a dromedary, I think." He paused a little, turning a page with a noisy whoosh. "They're quite similar, but definitely not the same."

Tonks shrugged.  
"It sounds like a bloody zoology lesson…"

"Instead, it's a bloody _semantics_ lesson," he grinned. "But if you prefer, we could have a little bet to make things more interesting."

Tonks abandoned the mug on the table, and looked up at him.  
"Shoot."

He slowly put the journal on the breakfast table, closing it, then he scratched his temple.  
"Let's say I can demonstrate that I didn't do what you suggest I did…" he started, calibrating his voice in a professor's tone.

"HUH?!"

Remus yielded a soft laugh.  
"Giving you permission to take my spoon" he explained.

"I imagine you mean," she replied, sniggering "_my_ spoon."

He smiled, bending toward her.  
"Mine, for usufruct right - if you remind…"

"_Mine_, thus." Tonks said, poking at the metallic object with fingers. "Because Tonks' got the spoon, for now."

For a couple of silent, glancing seconds Remus stared at her half amused, half disappointed and bit surprised.  
"Fair point." he finally said, nodding.

"Thanks."

For a moment they gazed each other, Tonks hiding the spoon behind her back, Lupin with an odd expression onto his face.  
"I have a question" she said after a while. "If I'll accept your gamble, how will we decide who's the winner? I don't see how it could be done."

"If you let me, I will show you."

"It's Ok. I authorize you to speak."

"Oh, thank you. I'm honoured."

"Of course you are." She blew twice on the spoon, and carefully put it on the top of her nose. It hanged. "Now tell me," she continued, gesturing him to go on. "How does it work?"

Remus raised a brow. "We will have to agree, if it seems fair to you," he said, rolling his eyes. "Both of us."  
As Tonks inclined her head to focus him, the spoon fearfully waved. "That's really stupid, Lupin. Y'know, I'll never _ever_ agree with you. Not about that."

A brief smile appeared on the Marauder's face. "Try and see."  
Tonks caught the handle just in time, and considered her options.

_Number one: he's bluffing._ _Could be._  
_Number two: he knows something I haven't noticed_. _Quite a difficult decision, actually._

She was an Auror after all - a bloody good one, as Mad-Eye said once - and Remus was just a smart, brilliant, charming wizard with great deductive skills and a very nice back, the lower part in particular… _Don't divagate_, she ordered herself.

_Number three: …_ Alas, there wasn't any "number three".  
She decided it was the first one.

"Go ahead," she said with a firm voice, trying to sound self-reliant.

Remus smirked again. "Are you sure?" He said. "No going back, you know that."

_Trying to intimidate me, uh?_  
Tonks smiled confidently.  
"It was _you_ the moody one, if I'm not wrong."

He hesitated for a while.  
"What?" asked Tonks. "Still grief 'bout that?"  
Maybe she'd touched a raw nerve.  
He shook his head, then glanced at her. "No. I was only going to tell a desolating joke about Moody being the moodier moody, but fortunately I was able to stop just before my good witty reputation was compromised."

"Too late, I think."

He warmly smiled, then "Oops," he murmured, and they couldn't help but start laughing together.

When the laughter died down, Remus had approached the counter top and was casting a _Wingardium_ _Leviosa_ on a jam pot.  
"So, what's the ante?" asked Tonks, still smiling.

He pondered for a while, drawing some toast out of the Warming Charmed bread-bin.  
"What do you think about raffling off the spoon itself?" He finally said "Plus, the one who loses gets the duty to wash up everything in your kitchen sink."

He rested the slices on a large plate, then came back to the table and offered it to her. Tonks took a piece of toast with her free hand, and nodded.  
"Deal," she said, chewing the bread. "Convince me, if you can."

Remus watched the spoon for a couple of seconds, then he slowly drew the mug up to his lips and swallowed a nip of his tea.  
Tonks suspected her boyfriend not only was aware that he was being extremely pesky, but that he also enjoyed it.  
"C'mon git, make it short!"

"There's no hurry - you should learn to be more patient, Dora" he commented quietly, provoking Tonks to let out a loud snort. Her turquoise hair went to a slightly darker shade.

"If I become any more patient, I'll drive myself to St. Mungo's!"

Remus raised an eyebrow in a way that surprisingly reminded Tonks of a wolf. "I'm displeased to say that that one wasn't as good as usual."

"Don't mention it to anyone and I'll forget about the moodier Moody."  
"I'm in." He said and shook her hand. "Now, let's see…What did you ask me at the start?"

"I was there," she pointed at the counter "and I asked you if I could please have your spoon for the disgusting beverage you so _lovingly_ made for me."

"Not exactly. You asked me if I – and not you Dora, _I_…"  
"… needed your spoon" she completed, the face whitening in comprehension.

"Yes." He smiled. "Because it was the last one clean."  
"Oh, damn it..." She bit her lip. "You didn't need it!"

"I didn't need it at that moment."

"Do you mean you need it, now?"

"That is not the point."

"Why not?" She asked, rolling her eyes. "I mean, we're going to share every mirth and sorrow of our lives, and you refuse to share a bloody spoon?"

"We're not married yet," he grinned. "What that means I should probably ask for my spoon back, I suppose."

"Forget it." Tonks growled, darkly pointing her wand at the wizard.

Remus pretended to make an astonished face.  
"Well, that's not a nice behaviour, Dora. I didn't even ask yet…"

"I'm afraid to query, but - what the hell are you talking about?"

He chuckled. "Well, I said 'I _should_ probably ask for my spoon back', but I haven't asked anything _yet_. You shouldn't answer a question that no one has posed…"

"Ok, you stodgy wizard. I'll wait for you to say it, so I can tell you to forget it!" She hissed, hitting the table with the hand that was holding the spoon, and making a bunch of crumbs fly into the air.

Remus glanced at her and bit his lip, with the evident purpose of pretending to ponder the issue. "In that case I'm pretty sure I won't request it anymore" he said in the end, clearing his throat.  
A flash of triumph brightened Tonks' face, and she lowered the wand.  
"I really wanted to hear that from you, Remus Lupin."

Satisfaction was pretty evident in her voice.  
Remus half-smiled. "Because you enjoy the sound of my voice, or…"

"_Or_." She took another toast from the plate, and snapped at it. "See, you believe you won the duel now, but you didn't, not the big challenge anyway."

The man watched her questionably, and Tonks enjoyed the confused expression on his face.  
"Distracted as you were from your beloved semantics trash, you forgot to focus on the most important task."

"Please, continue." He looked amused.

"Remus won't ask it back," she explained sharply. "Tonks gets the spoon, then."

"Tonks gets the spoon," he replied, choosing a well-toasted slice from the plate. "only if Remus doesn't obtain it in another way from her."

"If you think I'm gonna return it to you because of my good heart and sense of justice," she said vanishing Remus' bread with her wand, an evil expression on her face, "You're totally wrong."

He raised a brow, taking on his best professor's mood. "I was certain about that. By the way…"

"C'mon, you obstinate old werewolf, you can't take it any longer! Give it up, Tonks _does_ get the spoon."

"The situation seems to be as you described, I must admit. However things could overturn in every moment."

"I know this is gonna prove to be a big mistake, but... _explain_."

Remus answered her infuriated glances with a bright look.

"What about if I'm thinking…" he asked, the voice dangerously calm, "I don't know - that I could _steal_ it, for example?"

His closeness to her put Tonks warrior's senses in alarm, and she pounced down the chair.  
"Oh, you won't dare to steal it, Remus!"

"That's why you've just jumped as a cricket, because I will not?"

"I only was constantly vigilant, as you are." She jabbered. "But I'm sure you're not going to do anything like that..."

Remus approached her - vaguely too relaxed, in Tonks' opinion - and gently moved a tuft of hair away from her eyes. The Auror clearly perceived the oncoming danger.

"Am I not?" he whispered in a soft voice.

"Are you?" she harshly hissed in response.

A shimmer of impertinence shone in Remus' eyes as he reached for another piece of toast.  
"I asked it first" he said, placid smearing some jam on it.

"You're supposed to be thirty-six, why are you acting like a five-year-old child?"

"Has the age's factor become important to you, perhaps?"

"Has ever ceased to be _to you_, maybe?"

"I'm extremely tempted to say 'I asked it first' again …"

"Better if you hold back, or _I_'d be extremely tempted to _spank_ you."

"Please, don't." He glanced at her with a vague appearance of apologize. "I could even whine."

Tonks swiped a bite of Remus' bread.  
"You say it like it would be the first time." She said, gulping.

The man moved the slice away from her, and set it on the plate.  
"I'm under the vague impression that I should feel my pride wounded." He covered a slight laughter with the hand. "You're extremely naughty, _Nymphadora_."

"It took quite a while for you to notice, _John_."

Remus rolled his eyes and sighed, shaking his head, then he decided to take a morsel from the jammy toast.  
"To return to our question, merely ignoring your bad behaviour…" Tonks gasped something that sounded very close to '_mine?!'_ "… why did you assert that I wasn't going to steal the spoon, anyway?"

She dipped a finger into the jam pot, chortling at Remus' look of disapproval, and licked it.

"You're not capable of doing something so… nasty – well, in fact you _are_" she suddenly corrected herself, according to the man's baffled expression "But you don't want to do it now, and I'm totally sure about that 'cos… "

"'Cos what…?" Remus persisted, a definitely too innocent grin shining from his face.

Tonks swallowed. _Well, good point. 'Cos what?!_  
"You're not going to do anything like that, are you?" she said, slowly.

He glanced at her for a moment, then half-smiled. "Not at all."  
Tonks smiled back in relief.  
"Oh, good. Because I couldn't even think about…" she suddenly stopped, tilting her head. "That is some kinda of tricky-wicked puns of yours, isn't it?"

"I'm not convinced I would label it that way…"

She sighed impatiently.  
"It is. I _know_ it is… Dear Merlin, it's seven o'clock in the morning, such a ho man! And I'm here, trying to win some stupid tricky word games with a git, a perfect damned git I started dating because... because... ugh! Because I'm _totally_ crazy!"

"I won't argue about that."

She desperately passed a hand through her bubblegum hair and gazed at the man fiercely.  
"And I am sick. Sick, understand? So I must drink this lemon-balm flavoured infusion, not even precisely knowing what bloody a lemon-balm is, without any bloody spoon to make the bloody sugar melt!"

"Dora…"

"I want my coffee… I could kill for a dark, hot coffee."

"Dora."

"No, just shut up Remus. I hate you, from the very depths of my soul."

Remus approached her to kiss her cheek, and Tonks sensed the scraggy skin of his chin against her jaw. "You know, I think that hate is an improper feeling for marvellous, charming girls…" he murmured after the kiss.

_Don't you go blushing_, she ordered herself. _Why should I blush? Is it the case to blush, just because your annoying damned boyfriend pathetically tried to apologize through an odd compliment? Don't break, Tonks._

She tried to find her best professional tone, the same she used to interrogate criminals - just a bit softer, maybe, and with a tiny amount of flirtation.

"It almost seems that you think I'm marvellous and charming, Remus." She said.  
_Well, not exactly the very best perhaps._

Remus pulled back and grinned.  
"_Or_ it seems I believe you are the very opposite of that."

Tonks' hair went to violet.  
"YOU…" She brutally hit him with the incriminated spoon. "You're _such_ an idiot…"  
He laughed hoarsely, and she thought next time should have beaten him harder.

"You can't call me idiot, to be honest. Quite peeving perhaps, or absolutely vexing, or even a git - what you usually seem to think would be the most suitable invective to me – but an idiot? You'll agree with me that it's fairly inappropriate."

Tonks moaned his name. "You at least owe me that spoon, after this insulting joke!" she said.

"Do I?" he smirked.

She pouted. "C'mon annoying, grey, moony professor Remus John Lupin, you don't even need it!"

"As someone reminded me," he said "all the others are _mucked-up_. The value of the prize could do nothing but increase, for this reason."

"And tell me…" She crossed her arms in a manner Molly Weasley would have appreciated for sure, "What do you want in return?"

He smiled. "Eternal gratitude, of course - and a package of Honeydukes' Extra Size Finest Chocolate. Plus, one entire week of smooth, long, dark blond hair."

"I'll be straight, Remus. I'm not sure yellow dye would fit a man of your age."

"Very nice as ever, but I meant it on you. And there's no need to make me feel older than I already do. I'm younger than Malfoy after all, and if he can…."

"Do you mean he bleaches his hair?!"  
"I could swear I've noticed the dark growth, once."

Tonks made a brief grin, then paused for a moment, holding the spoon just a little tighter.  
"Do you prefer me blond?" she asked at last, her lips still curved, her gaze firmly pointed on the floor.

He couldn't suppress a beamy smile at the pinch of falter he heard in her voice.  
"You know I don't."  
Tonks rose up a brow and scratched her nose. "So why?"  
He caressed a pink wisp, and softly whispered. "Just to bother you with a boring colour."  
She looked up and grinned broadly. "I think I can manage it," she stated.

"Gone deal, so."

The Auror eyed the spoon through her hands, then she scrunched up her nose and concentrated on morphing. Quicker than you could say _accio_, she was wearing the required hairstyle.

"Tonks finally gets the spoon, then?" she demanded.

Her voice sounded so genuinely hopeful - almost timorous - that the man couldn't help but find her lovely, and he understood that she had had that spoon, and the whole him, from the very start of the game.

It wasn't a matter of words - _never been between them_-, but something else.  
It was like feeling an odd warmth all over his body when she was in the room, it was the impulse to laugh without a logical reason - just because she was doing it - the urge to watch her sleeping, singing off key, chewing some bread.

It was challenging over silverware in the middle of a war.

It was like...  
It was Dora.  
_The only term that actually fills every semantic field of the issue,_ Remus thought.

He looked at her: she was still waiting for his answer.  
"Yes," he nodded. "It's yours."

"Tonks wins!" she cheerfully yelled, improvising a clunky dance on the dirty floor, with the spoon as her only partner.

"That's not exact." He stepped in, gathering some crumbs. "I won anyway. The spoon has merely conceded."

She glanced at him, without stopping to smile. "As you prefer, Lupin. Remus wins, Tonks gets the spoon," she said, nearing the table. She added three generous doses of sugar to the infusion and she stirred it. "No difference to me: I'm not as childish as you believe."

She sampled the drink, and coughed heavily. "It's revolting!"

Remus laughed, thinking that she didn't seem to notice how much fun it was for him to tease her.  
"I'm sorry, but you forget something, perhaps. If I won, that means you must wash up all dishes."

Tonks sat on the table in front of him, stole his tea cup right from his hands, and took the last sip of his tea.  
"Don't worry," she said, the face significantly less disgusted "I'm gonna do it someday."

"You have do it now, I'm afraid." he replied, regaining the mug with a brief move, just to discover it was empty.

"I don't think so, Remus. You said 'the one who loses gets the duty to wash up everything in your kitchen sink'; never mentioned the words 'immediately' or 'today', or neither 'by the end of this century'."

Remus made a grimace of disappointment.  
"Well, it was supposed to be involved…" he sighed.

"_Supposed to be_, isn't the same as _was,_ my dear." Tonks smiled brightly and jumped down, walking to the sink to drain the lemon-balm tisane. "It's all a matter of semantics."

"That's not fair play." The werewolf said, sending his mug into the sink with a graceful snap of wand.

"I agree it's not," she chuckled. "But it's your own play."

Remus got up, and stood next to her at the sink.  
"I think I've been cheated" he snorted, resting upon his elbows.

"I think we're a pair" She smiled him back, turning her head to place a mild kiss on his lips.

"I'm still not sure. I feel I have to save my dignity posing a binding condition."

Tonks raised an eyebrow, curious to know what would he have taken-out now. "Shoot."  
Remus neared her back and encircled her waist with his arms. "If Tonks gets the spoon," he whispered at her ear, tickling her lobe with his breath, "Remus gets the spoon-girl."

Fine

A.N.: Guess what Tonks' nausea is, lol?


End file.
